funny comedy lines

March 28, 2023 Post a Comment

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When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees, grass, flowers, the sun... that was nice...

“Money doesn’t buy happiness.” Uh, do you live in America? ‘Cause it buys a WaveRunner. Have you ever seen a sad person on a WaveRunner? Have you? Seriously, have you? Try to frown on a WaveRunner. You can’t!

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we areto the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.

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My perfect date night: I pick you up. In my Kia Sorrento. You get in. There's candles in the car. You go 'Is that dangerous?" and I go, Yes... but I like danger. We go to your favorite restaurant, and we have a fantastic meal. We come outside and we see my cars on fire. You go, "Aziz, your cars on fire. Aren't you upset?" I pull out a bag of marshmallows and I go, No. I knew this was gonna happen. And then I kiss you. In front of my burning car.

I have this friend who got divorced. I went golfing with him recently. It's the first time I'd seem him since the divorce. So when I got home, my wife's like, "How's Gary?" "I don't know" "I thought you went golfing with Gary today" "I did" "And you don't know how he's doing?" "It never came up." "Is he dating anyone?" "I don't know." "Were you two in the same golf cart?" "Yeah." "You're kidding me! You were in the same golf cart for four hours and you don't if he's dating anyone?" "I know he's got a new driver" "How is that possible that wouldn't come up?" "How is that possible it would come up?" "The hundred and fifty marker's there, probably about a hundred and thirty-five. Are you dating anyone?"

Hilarious comedy is so subjective, but some of the funniest comedians include Jim Carrey, Robin Williams, Amy Poehler, George Carlin, Mitch Hedberg, and Brian Regan, to name a few. It is their innate ability to make us laugh at different things in life that we love so much about their hilarious stand-up routines, TV shows, and movie roles.

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Their hilarious stories and acts give us an escape from reality, they transport us to a happy place, and simply make us laugh at their hilarious jokes. The funniest comedians can even boost our self-esteem as we can all gain a lot from learning to laugh at ourselves a little in life.

So, to bring some more laughter into your life, we have gathered a list of some of the funniest quotes from comedians that can make us all laugh. If you like these funny quotes from comedians, you can also check out these comedian quotes and Jim Carrey quotes to find more funny quotes from comedians.

8. "You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something."

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